i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
