I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
