I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
