Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
