i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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