I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Your cock deserves a montage
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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