if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize