she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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