I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
