I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize