Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize