sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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