Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
