i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize