if you like me you must not know who I am
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
