it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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