I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
