The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Couch. On fire.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
