Well douche your snatch and let's go!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
