You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
