id be glad to
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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