the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
