considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
