i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
