Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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