3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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