I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
