i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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