my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
