can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
