Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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