Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize