She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
