god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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