Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
