Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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