i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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