so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
