let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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