I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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