fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
