ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
