i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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