yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
