remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
