ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
