i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
