kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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