return my video game
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
