4 words: hood of his car
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
