Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
