hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
