He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
