so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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