Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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