Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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