She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
