Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
