is wine microwaveable?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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