i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
