chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
