What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize