Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
