Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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