I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
