I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
