apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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