Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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