we're blogging at a bar
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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