he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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