I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
