Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
