i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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