Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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