Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
