what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
